Out-Dated?

by Ckay1 on September 18, 2013 - 2:56pm

“If your objective in dating is hooking up, and you see marriage as some separate process, then it is not dating that is a mess.” (Puterbaugh, 1) This is basically how today’s society is. The meaning behind dating, and loving someone has completely changed. Dating used to be for long-term purposes, and for potential marriage. Now it is just for meaningless sex and as the article puts it “individuals who are ‘hooking up’ and using one another as recreational devices rather than as people.” (Puterbaugh 1) This is the sad reality for majority of young individuals in today’s modern society.
By no means am I saying that people date with the idea in mind of potential marriage, but at the same time the quality of relationships, hooking or dating, has gone down hill. People say they are in a relationship with someone because they love them, or want someone to have fun with; almost like having a best friend. But that is not what the point of exclusive dating relationships is for. But that is what society makes it out to be.
We have this notion that if you are not having sex with your partner by at least the first few months, that you do not love each other. That is WRONG! Society makes everyone think that in order to love someone you have to being having sex 24/7 or it’s not an official relationship. The media really enjoys playing up “dating” and relationships to something that they really aren’t.
It is sad that dating has come to this point in today’s society. Hopefully one day people will realize what is happening and change their ways, but for now we have to suffer through a time of confusion in most people’s mind.

Magazine Article

Puterbaugh, D. 2010, November. Dating Has Become Outdated. USA Today, 57.

Comments

While I was looking through the different posts and topics, your issue definitely stood out to me. I liked how you chose this topic because although it is relevant and a very important issue, it is often an issue that goes unheard of or not talked about. I agree that the society that we live in today puts a huge emphasis on sex. Its everywhere! On advertisements, television, the internet, it is constantly surrounding our lives and frankly becoming a normal part of it. Perhaps that's why it appears that the dating scene has gone from looking for your potential husband to looking for a hook up or a one night stand. Although it is all around us I can personally say that growing up in a Christian faith based family I have been taught to ignore the media and its infatuation with sex and displaying it and rather focus on the relationship itself.
Although I agree with your view completely I find it interesting and perplexing to see where your information came from. How was the researcher able to thoroughly research this topic. Although relationships today from the outside world may appear to have no real meaning or connections with the person, if you are not directly involved in their relationship how are we to really know what it is like. All relationships are different and each person in the relationship has their own standards and judgments of what a relationship is. So how are we to judge what really is a relationship if we all define it and view it in a different way?
I really did like your article and point of view of society's dating. I like how you picked a topic that was not the usual gun control or abortion issue. I would really enjoy seeing more information and evidence from the article you read that would back up your statements. Overall it was very interesting and enjoyable to read!

i really like and agree with your post because this is something that i can relate to and something i experienced while i was in high school. when i was in high school, no one believed in dating anymore and the people who were in relationships weren't in exclusive relationships, they were messing around with other people. in my school, the type of relationships people had were "friends with benefits" or "sex buddies". these people were basically messing around with their "friends" no one wanted to be in real serious relationship, just have fun. i believe in relationships and not just looking for someone i can have fun with. i wasn't raised to participate in that kind of thing and lose the value of my body. To me sex in is supposed to mean something special and something you should share with someone you care about. our society has this thing of not being in love and being together. we are slowly losing the true essence of love. i really like this post and it really highlights the issue going on today

I completely agree with this post. In highschool I had a boyfriend who I have now been with for 4 years. But as I watched the people around me be involved in what they called "relationships" I noticed something missing. A lot of what I saw was the girl always chasing after the guy. Doing whatever they could to be with him, even if that just meant hooking up with him when HE felt like it and then having to act like nothing was going on between them because the guy was embarrassed. I don't see how people could just do that. One second the person they like gives them attention, and the next its like they don't even exist. I also saw a handful of girls in my school play guys, girls that even had boyfriends that went to different schools. No they didn't do stuff physically but I would always see them flirting. I would never do that to my boyfriend. The reason to be in a relationship with someone is for both of you to put in equal amounts of love and affection for it to continue on and grow, not to mess around with peoples feelings, leaving them to feel worthless. It is as if as time goes by that the true meaning of "Love" is being lost in the fun experiences of "sex" and "playing around".

Your article caught my eye because dating and relationships are two things that pretty much everyone can relate to. I particularly liked your point that sex is a huge part of today’s dating culture and that is especially true for people at the college level. That being said, I would disagree with a lot of your points. For example, a lot of emphasis is put on marriage. Where I grew up, not a lot of emphasis is put on marriage. A lot of what I learned from my family and community was that two people can be in love without getting married and they don’t necessarily need a certificate to verify that.
In addition, sex is an important part of human life. It is one of the most thought about things by so many people and I would not consider it “sad” in terms of how much it is included in dating. I do agree with you that there shouldn’t be a timeline set on sex and how if a couple months go by without sex the relationship is meaningless. There shouldn’t be pressure placed on a couple by a timeline. On the other hand, in my experience in observing the world I would say that sex is an important step in a relationship and it often signifies love and trust.
Also, recreational sex shouldn’t be looked down upon; especially if dealt with in a safe manner. Though sex is important in a relationship, it is also a human need. Like there shouldn’t be pressure placed on people in relationships to have sex, there shouldn’t be pressure placed on people not in a relationship not to have sex either. Our country is moving toward a more liberal viewpoint as am I and this is simply how my ideas have been shaped. Thank you; I enjoyed your article and it got me thinking about this.

I really enjoyed your post because I can definitely relate to this topic being a college student in a relationship. Whenever I discuss my relationship with other people, they assume that me and my boyfriend won't last because I am in college and should be going out and "having fun". What it seems like these people don't understand is that I can be in an exclusive relationship and still have fun. I don't need to be single and hook up with random people to enjoy my college years. Even my parents have told me not to get too emotionally tied into my relationship because I am young and should be having fun. It annoys me that I am being looked down on for being in a happy relationship because of my age.
To add to the way you described society today with relationships, it also has a negative effect on the way people go about getting into a relationship. I think that our generation today thinks that the best way to start a relationship is to just jump right into it and hook up right away, when really the best relationships are built through a friendship first.

I agree that in general some individuals typically go out to meet people with the mind set of “hooking up”. It is a valid argument with the changing of times and from a specific perspective. Unfortunately I disagree with some of this argument. In my experience most individuals, young, or much older, have the objective of hooking up when “going out” or do want to date for meaningless reasons, but this is nothing new and extremely focused. The opinion can be less biased if the perspective wasn’t from just the male point of view or even the youth group. Many older people can admit even during their times as a young adult they wanted less meaningful relationships than just monogamy. It seems to be extremely pathos when the topic is being disgusted and to improve the argument more ethos as well as objective evidence would be more meaningful. It seems as though many factors of society like demographics weren’t taken into account when taking this position, it is specific to one individual’s experiences. Other than those points, the argument caught my eye because it seems common among the youth to have meaningless relationships and is a pressing issue only it has not only just begun.

Are you saying that the point of exclusive relationships is not to have a "best friends" type of relationship but it's also not the point to have meaningless sex? Because in my experience these are two different things. Among my friends and myself, I've seen that the relationships that last the longest and appear the strongest are the ones that start off as friends first. I don't see anything wrong with that. I think you should be comfortable around whoever you're dating and when you say "but that's not the point of an exclusive relationship" you're suggesting that this is a bad idea. I do think that the "friends first" idea is relatively new, in the past most couples jumped straight from acquaintances to romance, but I honestly do not think that this is a bad shift. I do agree with you on the point about how people are putting too much emphasis on sex in relationships. This is also a new idea and I don't think it's a very positive one, it really doesn't teach people to respect their bodies as much as they should. Of course, if you're in a committed or long-term relationship that's a different story.

I love this post and completely agree with the points you made. It seems like even the term "dating" has lost it's meaning in this generation. I feel like dating used to mean exclusively in a relationship with ONE person, and being committed to them. Now, dating can be thrown around very casually. For example, someone could have a date with one person on Friday, then with a different person on Saturday, and be considered to be dating them both.
In terms of sex, I agree with your standpoint. It seems that people expect/ feel entitled to sex after a certain or short period of time. I think this is a stigma that has changed over the years as well. I feel like sex should mean something, and not just be a random hookup when you're feeling sad or lonely. Personally, I know girls (and guys as well) that don't have any respect for themselves or their bodies, and it's honestly sad. Having sex in no way shape or form means that you love a person, and vice versa. As others have said, I don't think that there should be so much pressure on people to do it. It's different for everybody, and we shouldn't have to follow a type of time schedule as others or the media expect us to. Great post! I would love to hear more of your thoughts on this topic :)

I agree with what you say . This is something that i can relate to myself. When i was in school everybody would try to have sex with as many people as they could, all they could think of was short term pleasure instead of trying to build a long strong relationship. Nobody really cared about what a relationship was if it was an opportunity to have sex they would go for it and leave when they felt they got tired. This of course was for the boys from what i heard when the boys in my class were talking . In todays society i find that the definition of love has changed and people are less motivated or creatife as they were before . Now its all about sex and having the best time of their lives. Some boys even used the term "yolo" when dating many girls for sex which is quite sad

Your title really caught my eye because in our society of today, many things are considered as out-dated, which is, in my opinion, harmful for the generations to come. In fact, because of the huge presence of social media in our lives, children are more exposed to hyper-sexuality, which is the urge that female teenagers and even younger children have to wear shorter skirts and have skinnier bodies. Sadly, our society has chosen the path of conformity. These days, if a girl is a little overweight or if a guy does not have a ripped body, they are most of the time rejected and that should not be the case!
Back in the day, true love and love at first sight was almost everybody's dream and for them, commitment meant everything. Today, it seems as if people are scared to commit and just want the pleasure. The proof of this would be the new term of "Friends with Benefits". Our world has become a place where young girls and boys going to rehab because of eating disorders and drug overdose is an everyday thing. This is not normal.
Finally, I would like to say that your article really made me think about what our world is in the process of becoming and I really liked the fact that you added a nuance when you said: "By no means am I saying that people date with the idea in mind of potential marriage, but at the same time the quality of relationships, hooking or dating, has gone down hill." The reason being that this line really sums up the issue very well!

I agree with you completely. People now days are just reckless with relationships. People go around sleeping with whoever and its deemed ok because they are in a relationship. In the post you mention "if people aren't having sex within the first couple months then they don't love each other". This is sadly true in today teenagers mind. I have seen multiply relationships that are formed to just have sex, and it really bothers me. People should be in a relationship because they truly care about the other person and they are happy together and enjoy spending time together. It is unfortunate that people are only looking for sex and in todays world you don't have to look to hard to find it. Some people are willing to give it to anyone and have no self respect or morals.

This article really caught my eye because I completely agree with the statement that “the meaning behind dating and loving has completely changed.” Back in the day two people would date because they saw characteristics in one another that they liked and could see going towards a marriage. It’s just the way the thought back then they looked for “the love of their life” not just someone for a night. A man only having one partner was expected and looked upon as totally normal. Obviously today that has changed a bit. Today people hook up and have sex even if they don’t love each other. This unfortunately adds to the list of number of partners they have had, which will only get to them In the long run. Not saying that sleeping with people is bad! Everyone has their own style! A lot of people now just say there with a person to have fun but aren’t even coming close to the idea of considering marriage this just shows you how much society has changed which is sad I think because wait till another generation goes by, its only going to get worse from here. Today young teens are consumed with the idea that they must have sex with their partner to show them they love them. That is completely false in my eyes, if two people want to be together sex should come at the right time for THEM not the media. It’s sad that more people don’t understand this.

I completely agree with your post. In the world that we live in today the concept of “dating” is very rarely found. Many times in movies we see the cute couple that dates all through high school and then they get married. Today this rarely happens this type of dating is pretty much extinct. People go on dates however relationships don’t exist. Many people think that hooking up, no strings attached etc. is the way to go. It keeps things “simple” it allows you to hook up with different people and not have the guilt of cheating. It can also become a competition to see who can hook up with the most people first and other ridiculous things. The media plays a large part in the way people view sex. Sex used to be something that wasn’t all over TV, internet and music videos. Sex has become commercialized; it’s not a scared thing anymore. Relationships are a lot of work and the society that we live in unfortunately allows people to take the easy way out and just meaninglessly hook up.

This article really caught my eye because I completely agree with the statement that “the meaning behind dating and loving has completely changed.” Back in the day two people would date because they saw characteristics in one another that they liked and could see going towards a marriage. It’s just the way the thought back then they looked for “the love of their life” not just someone for a night. A man only having one partner was expected and looked upon as totally normal. Obviously today that has changed a bit. Today people hook up and have sex even if they don’t love each other. This unfortunately adds to the list of number of partners they have had, which will only get to them In the long run. Not saying that sleeping with people is bad! Everyone has their own style! A lot of people now just say there with a person to have fun but aren’t even coming close to the idea of considering marriage this just shows you how much society has changed which is sad I think because wait till another generation goes by, its only going to get worse from here. Today young teens are consumed with the idea that they must have sex with their partner to show them they love them. That is completely false in my eyes, if two people want to be together sex should come at the right time for THEM not the media. It’s sad that more people don’t understand this.

I completely agree with your post. In the world that we live in today the concept of “dating” is very rarely found. Many times in movies we see the cute couple that dates all through high school and then they get married. Today this rarely happens this type of dating is pretty much extinct. People go on dates however relationships don’t exist. Many people think that hooking up, no strings attached etc. is the way to go. It keeps things “simple” it allows you to hook up with different people and not have the guilt of cheating. It can also become a competition to see who can hook up with the most people first and other ridiculous things. The media plays a large part in the way people view sex. Sex used to be something that wasn’t all over TV, internet and music videos. Sex has become commercialized; it’s not a scared thing anymore. Relationships are a lot of work and the society that we live in unfortunately allows people to take the easy way out and just meaninglessly hook up.

This article really caught my eye because I completely agree with the statement that “the meaning behind dating and loving has completely changed.” Back in the day two people would date because they saw characteristics in one another that they liked and could see going towards a marriage. It’s just the way the thought back then they looked for “the love of their life” not just someone for a night. A man only having one partner was expected and looked upon as totally normal. Obviously today that has changed a bit. Today people hook up and have sex even if they don’t love each other. This unfortunately adds to the list of number of partners they have had, which will only get to them In the long run. Not saying that sleeping with people is bad! Everyone has their own style! A lot of people now just say there with a person to have fun but aren’t even coming close to the idea of considering marriage this just shows you how much society has changed which is sad I think because wait till another generation goes by, its only going to get worse from here. Today young teens are consumed with the idea that they must have sex with their partner to show them they love them. That is completely false in my eyes, if two people want to be together sex should come at the right time for THEM not the media. It’s sad that more people don’t understand this.

I agree that as a whole, dating is not taken in the same serious context that it once was. As I read your post, my mind immediately traveled to the growing teenage pregnancy epidemic in my town and in my family. A huge number of people my age (19) have toddlers running around, but it's a much smaller number of parents who are actually raising these children and watching them grow up.I know that this pregnancy situation is different from what is discussed here, but some of the points really remind me of the typical situation I hear about on a daily basis. 1. sex is a main factor in dating these days. For me, it is not sex in itself that is the problem, but more the responsibility of sex that isn't taken seriously because of the widespread acceptance these days. Everyone just does what they want, when they want without thinking about the future. 2. Relationships have changed from a potential future to a recreational past time . These people who walk around saying they love each other and want to be together forever are the same people who are quick to back out when these situations happen. In reality, these people probably never really loved each other and they never thought the situation would go further than sex and hanging out. Dating no longer seems appealing when it is forced to get serious.
The fact that I have heard this story so many times around my town just reiterates for me that dating, relationships and sex aren't taken seriously by young people. I know that teenage pregnancy is much more complex than what this post is meant to be, but I saw some correlations and I thought I would add my own take on this. I totally agree with this post!

I really enjoyed reading your post. It was very informative and I am glad you brought it up. Today it seems like this is an issue that a lot of people do not want to discuss because of the controversy that may come along with it. I can agree with you that today a lot of people are just looking for relationships for the wrong reasons. I feel that these reasons are just for the physical or hooking up as you have said. Still, I somewhat disagree with your view on what people say when they are in a relationship. Personally, I feel that you should be in a relationship with someone to have fun, love, and be best friends with them. My parents always told me that whenever I am ready to be in a relationship make sure that person is someone who I can love, have fun with and confide in. This person should be there to play video games with or to go shopping for hours with when no one else wants too or even give you advice when you need it. I feel that this person should be your friend first and then after that you two may become more if you two choose too. Friendship, I feel is the foundation to any relationship. To build a friendship, you must be willing to love and have fun, if not then you aren’t willing to have friendships or long term relationships at all.

This summary caught my attention from the beginning, you summery is well written and very well said. I completely agree with you. In today's society people do not have the same morals and respect for one another, i personally find it disgusting. I cant stand how people see one another as only objects of pleasure, like really? what is going through your mind! In my mind, a relationship should be more than just physical attraction and a lot of sex, your partner should be there for you through thick and thin, willing to listen and be sympathetic, most importantly they should truly and honestly love you. Sex in a relationship is important yes, but should not be the only thing you two do together. Dating is a serious matter and should be taken much more maturely. And i also agree that the media plays a huge role in this, on tv and in magazines all you see is sex and more sex, but it shows you that sex is not so special anymore and is not something to be valued with time. This is especially dangerous for young teens, because they are easily provoked at this age. It is not fair that the true meaning of a relationship is hard to be found, call me old fashioned but romance is also hard to find as well because of this.

This summary caught my attention from the beginning, you summery is well written and very well said. I completely agree with you. In today's society people do not have the same morals and respect for one another, i personally find it disgusting. I cant stand how people see one another as only objects of pleasure, like really? what is going through your mind! In my mind, a relationship should be more than just physical attraction and a lot of sex, your partner should be there for you through thick and thin, willing to listen and be sympathetic, most importantly they should truly and honestly love you. Sex in a relationship is important yes, but should not be the only thing you two do together. Dating is a serious matter and should be taken much more maturely. And i also agree that the media plays a huge role in this, on tv and in magazines all you see is sex and more sex, but it shows you that sex is not so special anymore and is not something to be valued with time. This is especially dangerous for young teens, because they are easily provoked at this age. It is not fair that the true meaning of a relationship is hard to be found, call me old fashioned but romance is also hard to find as well because of this.

I'm definitely not saying that you are wrong in your accusations; I think that you have some very good points. But I have to disagree about the stigma of having sex. It's not that if you aren't having sex by the first few months it means that you don't love each other. It's just such a social norm to be having sex by that far into a committed relationship that it seems unusual. The same would go for making a new friend. If you met a friend that you really got along with at work, it would be expected that you would invite them over for dinner or a barbeque or some other social gathering that we view as normal. Sex isn't necessarily just about pleasure. It's something intimite that you share with your partner only and it generally brings you closer as human beings. So it isn't a bad thing to view not having sex as so abnormal.
However what you started off with, about how people use each other as devices for pleasure I think definitely held some truth. And being a college student, I have to say that I'm guilty, and I'm sure a lot of the people in our class are guilty of that. But I also think that this is a natural and normal thing for humans to do. There is so much more time that we have to repress our emotions and hormone imbalances that we have to let it out now and again. And a perfect time to do this is after a long, stressful week, when you're out with your friends and hundreds of other people seeking to do the same thing. It might not be the morally right thing that we all do this, but sometimes nature doesn't care for morals.

i was looking through the posts and your's caught my eye. I feel like as new generations begin, people don't understand what love really is. My grandparents tell me about when they first started dating. They used to do simple sweet actions for each other. My grandpa used to put letters on my grandmas car, so when she walks out it would be waiting for her. He would also bring her flowers for no reason. People back in that decade truly cared about each other and there relationship. I feel like your post points out how desperate people are to be "loved". The truth is most people don't know the true meaning of love. You don't date someone for sex, you date because you like them as a person and can't see yourself without them. Your post gets right to the point and draws in the reader. Your summary helped grab the attention and make someone want to read it. People need to learn more about relationships and try to change how the world is evolving.

This was an excellent post. But I'm not sure if I totally agree.
It is true that today, dating does not have the same meaning then in the past. People date each other because they absolutly want a relationship like in the movie, but they realised that it is not because you like someone that you're in love with them. So they just do not have a real good relationship, they are together because they need sex and the feeling of never being alone. I think it is sad how the society see love. Everybody thinks that love is an easy thing and when it starts to be harder they just drop it, because they think that "if it's meant to be, it is not suppose to be complicated". But it's false, love is not only in the good moment, love needs to be maintained. Love is in the communication, even if sometimes communication bring a conflict, it just means that something needs to be fixed, not throw in the garbage just because it doesn't work perfectly.
You know, this is how people who doesn't really love acts. The people who act this way (only in a relationship to have sex and not being alone) never totally fell in love with someone, not yet.
I am only 17 years old and I'm dating my boyfriend for 3 months now. I know him for a year and I can actually considered that this relationship is going to last forever. You guys are probably thinking that this is only a teenage love, and that in a year we are going to break up. Maybe you are true, but it is because of this way of thinking that today, people do not have long relation. Before, I taught that my friends that are together for 2 years were stupid because they were young and needed experiences and a lot of boyfriends and girlfriends. But now that I know what it is to be in love and having the perfect boy, I don't want to throw this relationship away. I want it to be perfect and I am going to work as hard as I can to keep it.

Why starting a relationship if you don't think it is going to last? Sadly, nobody really think of it before dating someone.

One thing I really liked about your topic is that it's a relatively important issue in the average persons life. Often this issue is just unspoken of and nobody brings it up. It's interesting because as I've grown up I've noticed that my friends act exactly as you describe relationships. They're not in it for the good times anymore their in it for momentary fun.

Your article gives a very realistic view of dating in today’s society. I agree with everything you mentioned in your article because the media always knows how to twist a situation and change the way society views certain topics, such as dating and relationships. When it comes to relationships, I believe that the opinions of the two people involved in a couple should be the only ones that matter. Also, the source you based your article on is very reliable because the author, Dolores Puterbaugh, has multiple university degrees and has already written many peer-reviewed journals, regional/local publications and national publications.

I do not agree to the fact that you said when people these day who are dating are a mess if they are only "hooking up". Some people likes to have one night stands or short term pleasure, while others might want to have a long-term relationship. If both of the partners and people in the relationship are happy with what they are doing or the relationship they are having, I think that it is totally fine for them. We shouldn't be judging others by the number of times they have sex or anything like that.

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