Polyamory

by zippy on February 7, 2014 - 3:48pm

In Polyamory not like push for gay marriage, Cathy Young push a case against polyamory unions. Young start by remembering us how the mariage question is a hot subject right now, first the gay community won a big victory in 2013 and now other groups want to change again our views about marriage.

 

The author recall a recent ruling by a judge of Utah where he struck down part of the state’s ban on polygamy which was in place since 1895 for being partly unconstitutional. This case was an example of a traditional form of polygamy with one man and his 4 “sister wives”.

However, the author point out that many communities around the USA and Canada accept more permissive form of polyamory (many husband/wives as long as everyone is consentant), she point out to an article (My Two Husbands) on salon.com where a woman live with her husband and a boyfriend according to the article it was a “liberating” experience for her husband but Young express doubts about it.

 

For Young what seems to be certain is polyamorist groups are surfing on the wave of the same-sex rights movement in order to gain more recognition. But she found the two situations to be widely different. In her point of view, allowing gay-marriage is not something going to revolutionaries society. She does not imagine that it will affect most current marriages while she imagine that if polyamory was accepted it could have disruptive effects with some partners wanting to change theirs marriage contract to allow multiple partners.

Young then cast doubts on how consenting the partners are in such relationships. For her if polyamory becomes more accepted in society it will become increasingly difficult, by fear to being stigmatized, for people looking for a monogamous relationship to hold ground.

She conclude by highlighting that in a free society polyamory should not be criminalized but that is not a sufficient reason to swipe away our stigma.

 

In my opinion, polyamory and specially polygamy has being practiced for thousand of years and is currently widely accepted by more than half of the world population. This situation make it more difficult to refuse polyamory, specially in country like Canada where same-sex marriage (a type of marriage historically and worldly widely less accepted) are legalized and where large communities already practices it in secret like notably in British Columbia.

But despite that I think we should specially into account the best interest of the children coming out of such unions. Right now many of them live in fear, they present their brothers and sisters as cousins to avoid the questions at school, they are ostracized by society, etc… Those women and their kids often have less rights and privileges than married or monoparental mothers making it even more difficult for them if they ever want to leave their situation. If they do try they have to face it whiteout help.

In conclusion, I will always remember Jean. Jean is a sweet student I met in France, he grew up in a polygamist family back to his home country the Senegal. He would always recall experiences from his mothers or his numerous brothers and sisters (His father had three wives and over twenty children). In Senegal polyandry is not a tabou and Jean grew up like it was something normal and whiteout complex. Could the kids from polyamorist family here in North America could say the same thing?

 

Work cited

Young, Cathy. "Polyamory Not Like Push for Gay Marriage." Winnipeg Free Press. Jan 16 2014. ProQuest. Web. 6 Feb. 2014.

Comments

To begin with, this post first got my attention because polygamy is a subject that I find interesting and curious at the same time. My opinion on this practice is that it is very degrading to women to have to share their husband with other women. They deserve to have a husband that will have love for them exclusively and the men that are dragging women into this definitely do not respect them nor do they see them as equals. If the opposite would be happening, where one woman has multiple husbands, it would certainly not be accepted. Why can men do this but women cannot? Accepting such a thing is like saying that cheating should be permitted because it is not morally wrong. I do not believe that children are at risks growing up in such families because they were born into this lifestyle and so do not believe that it is wrong. Some of them might not want to do the same thing in the future but they still respect the idea. Furthermore, gay marriage and polygamy should not be compared. Same sex marriage still include two people who love and respect each other. It does not matter whether they are the same sex, they still see each other as equals. It takes all kind of people in this world and while some women choose to be part of a marriage where they share their husband with several other women, others are dragged into this lifestyle because they were manipulated. Polygamy denies the idea that all humans, including women, are worthy and should not be used nor manipulated. It is true that the principle that humans are free can be used of the side of polygamists. Although, I believe that for most of them (I am not generalizing), their freedom is taken away because they are stuck in this. In conclusion, are those women and children in a safe place?

Polyamory include both one men with many women (polygamy) and one women with many men (polyandrie). It would be inconsistant to accept one and refusing the other.

My whole point is I think the women (and in some cases men) and children in polyamorist families would be way better of (better protected from abuses) if they had the same rights and privileges than the others families.

I am totally against polygamy, I found that it is disrespectful for the women. Same sex marriage is not the same, the two person is consentient and none of the two is treated disrespectfully. I think that polygamy is treating women has an object and I found it unfair. Why should man have the right to have many wife's when women cannot? marriage should be based on love not on using the loved one. it is abusing of the fact that in some country, men have more rights or power than women. Same sex marriage should be legalized because it is based on love and because they should have the same rights than straight couple. What do you think?

Polyamory include both one men with many women (polygamy) and one women with many men (polyandrie). It would be inconsistant to accept one and refusing the other.

My whole article wasn't about if polyamory is right or not, I simply acknowledge that it exist and the people in it have really little to none help/rights/privileges. I think those women (and sometimes men) and children would be way better protected and secured if they had the same rights and privileges than the others.

I think we should go beyond our personal feelings about polyamory to find a way to help and protect those who are in it whether or not they want to get out of it. Because in the current situation they are helpless.

I am commenting on your post because polygamy is a great subject to debate on because people usually forget this subject when thinking about ethical issues so congratulation for having choosing it. If I understand you, the fact that people have practiced polygamy for thousand of years and that it is accepted by half of the world population makes it right? Don’t you remember history classes where you learned about segregation and enslavement of people of color? Those type of actions where perpetrated for hundreds of years by almost half of the world too but were not morally right. For me, morality has nothing to do with how much people think it is moral. Same goes for polygamy, I don’t think polygamy is morally right. I truly believe in loyalty and fidelity and polygamous marriage violated my values. To me, having more then one wife/husband is not being loyal. Also, do you really think that people in a polygamous have chose it? Don’t you think they might have been forced to be the 4th wife on their husband?

I agree with you when you say polygamy concerns individual rights and people should be allowed to have multiple spousal . In my view, the practice of polygamy is a matter of individual consent where participants are aware of the the circumstances surrounding polygamous relationship and content to entering and sustaining such relationship. Historically speaking, the practice of polygamy was widely accepted among First Nation peoples in Canada prior to western colonization. Native women from numbers of native societies were free to practice polygamy and in fact, some native women argue polygamy cannot be considered according to western/Christian standards of marriage as it may have provided better life for women. For example, Sioux women who married white men found that life seems to be more difficult with the absence of “sister-wife” to share household and conjugal duties because of the increased workload in the house as well as the increased frequency to give birth which resulted more suffering of women in childbirth. Overall, it is my view that since polygamous relationship is a matter of consent and concerns individual freedom, state intervention should not be allowed.