Hey, let`s talk… (about my feelings)

by Sundjay on November 3, 2014 - 8:39pm

When a child is born, depending on their sex, their father treats them differently. If it`s a girl, he will swear to protect her even when she`s all grown up and experience life on her own. Whereas boys don’t get the same special treatment, they are thrown into the world with barely any guidelines or help and have to fit their father`s ideals. They only get intervened when they bring shame to a man`s image, so for example if they show weakness such as emotions or pain, or if they play with dolls. That is the start of a vicious cycle that ends when a man realizes that he won`t live his life being insecure about his ideas, habits and/or eating a banana in public. The emotional toll, that is constantly supressed, becomes insurmountable in the event of the loss of a loved one, where they continue to live by their code until it reaches a point where they have three options: tell someone about their pain and suffering, continue living with their unpronounceable emotions of grief or end their life. We trust those with experience like our parents and teachers, but sometimes what they are teaching us isn’t always right due to their outdated beliefs of strength and power.

http://baylorlariat.com/2014/02/05/boys-dont-cry-stereotypes-harm-mascul...

Comments

Your topic is what got me interested into reading your article. I come from a country where, if you are male, you have all of the power. It is the man who inherits everything. If the man had a sister, she would not receive anything because she is supposed to be married and it is her husband who is supposed to provide for her. So, like you said, from a very young age, men are taught to act strong and powerful. That they should not cry (express feelings). That they should get jobs so that they can provide for their families (at least in my country). I believe that here, it is much better than in my country. We talked about this in my Race and Racism class because it is still very much alive even here, the fact that men should not express their feelings and act "strong." I agree that the parents should treat their kids equally and show their boys that it is ok to show emotions, for instance. That way, they will not feel insecurity and pressure. Fortunately, my parents have always treated my brother and I equally, regardless of the gender. I think that certain parents should get with the times. Even though many years have passed, there has been very little improvement in my country. And I am pretty sure it is not the only one that still functions like this. I wonder if it will completely change one day, because men should not feel ashamed to express their emotions, and yet many still feel that way, even today.

What really caught my attention was the fact that you discussed the way that girls are treated are so much different from the boys. You bring up a very good point that boys have to suppress their feeling from others. It is like Tony Porter said during his Ted talk that when his teen brother died, his father waited until the women were gone to cry and when he did cry all he could do was apologize to Tony. I think that times should change and that if a boy wants to express emotions we should let him, we shouldn't say something like "stop acting like a girl" because that gives them the idea that girls are weak and inferior to them and that is not the case. Overall I think that you're right about parents not always best at teaching their children things like how both boys and girl are equal, meaning if the boy wants to cry that's okay, but hopefully with the newer generation having kids they will teach both their daughters and their sons that it is okay to express their feelings and play with whatever types of toys they want and I believe it is already starting. Here's an article that I found that is rather interesting and connected to your topic in the way that it talks about gender neutral adds for toys.
http://www.thelocal.se/20130911/50184

Your first sentence caught my eye, I agree with what you're saying from personal experiences and from the media. Fathers do treat their sons and daughters differently, girls are watched and followed even after they turn 18 while boys are pretty much thrown into the world at the age of 15. With nothing but rules on how to be a "real man," boys are taught that they hold power over women, men should do the working and women should be housewives. This is still taught to kids in school, through movies, history and news articles. This kind of thing where boys can't show weakness or pain can cause depression, because if they do they'll just be made fun of. They have no one to vent to which can lead to relationship problems in adulthood.

I am responding to your post because your title is really intriguing and catches the reader’s attention. I agree with you when you talk about how children are treated differently by their father depending on the sex. There are these perceptions on how males and females should act especially for men. Just like you have pointed out, girls are given more love and affection when they are crying, play with dolls and considered weak because they show emotion. Men on the other hand are not allowed to cry and show emotion, have to be strong and man up. These perceptions lead to discrimination among genders in societies. One is how girls are not allowed to play on guy’s sports team because girls are weak and guys are stronger than them, and how boys cannot play with dolls which you have mentioned. Here is a video that was discussed in my Race and Racism class that referred to what you said about guys not being able to show emotion.
http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men?language=en

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